


When Hank Lost Hope

by haruka123



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Baby Mutants, Canon Disabled Character, Drug Abuse, Dysfunctional Relationships, Gen, Minor Character Death, Mutants, Post X-Men: First Class, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8660953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haruka123/pseuds/haruka123
Summary: Short story about the dark period between First class and days of future past.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [still_lycoris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/gifts).



> For my secret Santa, I hope the story is to your liking.  
> Also thanks to my patient beta ily <3

-1-

Hank’s day started like most of the days after Charles had decided to shut down the school. He brushed his teeth, made coffee and then thrust one shiny needle in his arm. He injected two doses of the serum’s newest version and followed up with a careful documentation of every step of the process for future analysis.  
As he went outside to pick up the morning newspaper he caught a glimpse of the broken sign, piles of trash and broken things lay in the midst of the tall grass. He turned his back on them as he reentered the house, just as he had yesterday and the day before.  
From time to time he promised to himself that that day was the day and he'd finally roll up his sleeves and make the house more presentable, but that day always became tomorrow or next week.

There were quite a few perks, living off the Xaviers, that is deep pockets and limited intervention in his research, nonetheless, there were several downsides as well; primarily the mundane chores that had nothing to do with his work, like making grocery shopping and collecting orders from the liquor store for Charles. Sometimes he went to the old bookstore just across it as a reward, or at least he used to. There was no escape from irritating quiet judgment of the people around him, he didn’t have to be a telepath to know what they were thinking about; a young healthy man walking down the street was a rare sight just as a furry blue beast. It wasn’t such a great loss anyway, he comforted himself, there were less and less substantial reading materials for Hank’s tastes. 

He had no social life and his communication with Charles was minimal and usually revolved around the serum.

The sun was setting as Hank left the liquor store, letting out a short sigh, wondering why on earth all of them came in the heaviest glass bottles. He had known why, of course, but it was still irritating. On the bright side, the daily chores were about to be done and soon he could get back to the comforting space of his lab.

“Hey sugar”

Hank froze in his place for a brief moment before he walked briskly, keeping his head down, too self-conscious of the particular kind of attention he had just earned. 

“I’ve said hey!!” the prostitute ran after him, she had long blond hair and high, noisy heels that drew unwanted attention. her persistence made Hank walk faster to the car, wishing he had more useful mutation other than big feet and blue fur.

“Hey!” she yelled again and grabbed his arm forcefully he nearly dropped the box. Were it not the serum effects, he probably would have torn that arm off her body within a heartbeat, he was not a person to surprise or force into an unpredictable situation. The main street where she had stopped his wasn’t crowded but there were just enough nosy onlookers staring at them openly. 

“Not interested” Hank mumbled as he tried to wiggle his arm free from her lock.

“Listen, rich boy! I have a baby to feed and my husband is there, probably dead in some ditch-” 

Hank stared at her for a moment, then put the box on the ground and reached for his wallet, handing her a few crumpled bills “I am sure you used to be a very dignified lady and surly and expert in your field of work. I’m sorry for your husband but please leave me alone. Go take care of your baby”

The woman looked surprised at first, giving him a suspicious overlook as if she was half expecting Hank to regret or demand something she would not like to give, eventually, she shrugged and pushed them into her bra.

“Thanks, sugar” she smiled at him, more genuine smile than when she still tried to seduce him, suddenly he wasn’t in that moment anymore, he was pulled into a different time, years ago, when the prettiest girl he had ever seen smiled back at him. She had blue eyes like Raven’s. Only she didn't, he had to remind himself. Raven’s eyes were yellow and her skin was blue and she would never smile at Hank like that again. He hated the woman even more now, reminiscing was something he tried to avoid at any cost. Hurting and being hurt by the same person was not a thing he indulged in.

“- first time that pitch worked, let me reward you” she reached to fondle his bottom “how ‘bout you take me to your car, sugar? Looks like you need a hand” Hank reached the limit of his sympathy as her behavior bordered sexual assault.

_“Let the kind lady help you Hank,”_ said a familiar voice in his head pleased and condescending. 

“Dear lord” Hank sputtered, more passers didn’t even try to hide their curiosity, cars were honking because traffic slowed down.

_“No, just me, but I get why got confused”_ The unexpected intrusion made Hank bodily flinch, which the prostitute didn't even pay attention to. 

_“Get out Charles, I am not going to… nothing is going to happen anyway”_

_“-enjoy it while you still can Hank”_ Charles muttered using the whiny tone that made Hank want to strangle him _“you’ll never know when a bullet your friend put in your spine takes you out of the game for good”_

Now Hank was sure that by now knew more than he ever wanted about someone he used to admire.

_“Used to?”_ Charles prodded further.

Hank suffocated a groan in his palm, that lady’s hands were still on his pants, now changing direction to the front and he was growing tired of trying to fend her off gently. He felt cornered by both the woman and Charles violating any personal boundaries but he had no strength to fight both of them simultaneously. _“Jesus, Charles! Just tell me what you want”_

_“I need serum Hank, obviously,”_ Charles said flatly “drag your ass here as soon as you’re done.”

Hank was about to argue with Charles, he had enough of his patronizing attitude, remind him that he is not his fucking butler or a maid.

_“she likes it, your big cock and wants you to put it in her wet pussy."_ Hank could feel the smirk in his head _"She really doesn’t know what happened to her husband, it would be rude to turn down a potential war widow”_  
Hank said nothing and just waited until he was the only one in his head again, then he forcefully shoved the woman to the ground, picked up the box and went to the car.

Still troubled from the fiasco that happened before, Hank suddenly felt something was off before he even entered the house, when he was parking the car. There was someone in the house, someone that wasn’t Charles. The smell was not only different from anyone he has met before but also somewhat different from human beings he had met in general. The potential source of the smell was lying on the doorstep.  
A basket , crying sound, faint and obviously unhappy. A baby. 

-2-

Hank breathed heavily, trying to control his mood who the fuck!! who the fuck lacked basic humanity to leave a baby outside a house in the middle of November?

He rushed with the baby straight to his bedroom, where the heat was on unlike most of the rooms in the mansion. He took off his shirt and tugged the blanket wrapping the baby off. Direct skin contact might be the best way to help raise its body temperature, he'll have to deal later with the feelings of awkwardness. He looked at the little being in his arms, still uncertain how he should hold it to maximize safety, it was so small so fragile. It opened its eyes for the first time, a flitting moment before resuming to deafening cries.

‘How do you make a baby stop crying?’ Hank wondered. The baby kept twisting and turning in his arms when he finally noticed, he really should've seen it before. 

The reason why the baby was abandoned outside in the cold like an unwanted toy, why it was left on their doorstep out of all the houses in the world. There was someone, somewhere out there that thought he was doing the baby a favor leaving it there, someone that didn’t know yet how much Charles was broken, that had faith in him, even if it was just because they wanted to shake off the responsibility for the baby.  
He sat down in his chair and started to analyze the situation, still awkwardly cradling the baby in his arms trying to sooth it somehow. Hank, despite being a genius, was alarmingly clueless of the correct way to raise healthy babies. The first step was obvious: he should take care of the baby’s immediate needs, food, he needed to go out again buy milk powder, he needed diapers for the baby and clothes he had none of tho- well, the mansion was ridiculously big, there was a fat chance there were some baby utilities but he doubted even Charles knew where they were stored.  
Charles. He had to tell Charles they are going to raise a child, a baby. Charles had never talked about it before, a protocol for receiving a student so young, Hank guessed Charles couldn't imagine a parent abandoning their baby because of this.

“Charles” his voice coming out shaky as he opened the door to Charles' door, the baby was in his other hand.

“Hank! Good lord, I thought you would never come back, where is the serum?” Charles didn’t bother waiting for an answer and started to poke in his nightstand drawers straight away, pulling a tourniquet, and a sterile needle from the top drawer “-You know” he expertly tied the rubber around his arm tight “-the empathic sensories are the first to come back and your emotional state is fucked up at the moment like everyone else, not to mention I can’t get up from this stupid bed-”

“Charles!” 

At last Charles turned to look at him. His blue eyes comically widened and the needle dropped to the floor, Hank didn't say anything else, he didn't know what to say, or do. He was desperate for Charles to be his old self for a couple of minutes, old Charles would have a plan, would know what to do. Then again, old Charles was gone. There was only one Charles Xavier: it was the one that didn't take a bath for a week despite perfectly being able to, sitting in front of him and his answer to Hank's helplessness was loud and crystal clear.

“No”

“No?” Hank was puzzled, unconsciously cradling the baby closer to his body. “What do you mean?”

Charles talked slowly like he was talking to a child, or a retard “We are not keeping her Hank, we’re not a bloody orphanage”

_Her_ , he could read his mind, Charles had read everything and he was saying no “Look at her Charles, she must be one of us! We need to protect her-”

Arguing proved useless as Charles already turned his back to Hank "just bring me the serum after you get rid of it". Hank blinked, feeling even more lost than before. Small round head, tiny fingers, he didn’t even notice she fell asleep in his arms. Even in her sleep she had a little frown, had she known that was completely alone in the world? his throat felt tight.

Charles could go to hell.

He went to his room, dressed again and wrapped the baby in one of his sweaters to make sure she was warm enough even outside. The only person he could think about was Frida, she used to be the mansion’s housekeeper until Charles fired her one day. Hank could only hope that her motherly intuition would not let her turn her back to Hank and the baby.

Frida answered after four rings, she was surprised to see Hank at her house doorstep. Her clear judgment made Hank even more self-conscious and awkward than usual, but after he explained to her the situation, stressing over and over again how helpless the little baby was, Frida agreed to help. A couple of hours after their conversation she came into her living room where Hank waited, bringing folded diapers, bottles and powdered milk she had collected from her neighbors.

“The rest I would laundry as we get to the house.” She said decisively as she entered Hank’s car, her accent as thick just as Hank remembered. She sat in the front, on her knees the basket where the baby was sleeping, bundled in Hank’s sweater. Hank bit his lips, his head was bursting with all kind of worries like how Frida would react if she saw Charles, if she saw the mansion’s poor condition, or worst when she finally saw the baby without the covers of the sweater and her hat?

“What a cute baby you are” she rocked the child up and down, making her giggle reveal bare gums, she mentioned nothing of the baby’s obvious abnormality and Hank was impossibly grateful.

The first thing she did was show Hank how to effectively clean and change diapers, it was slightly tricky and well, disgusting, however, a critical skill for raising a baby. And so, under the observing gaze of Frida Hank was quick to learn more parenting skills. While the blankets and clothes were drying near the fire (Frida magically found in some unknown closet), Frida taught him how to feed the baby, help it with the reflux and put it to sleep. She explained at length about the right temperature to for the milk, right temperature to sterilize the bottles and the importance of differentiating between types of crying. She was kinder to him than she ever did while working in the house, actually, he was quite certain she disliked him.

“Those are the basics, the rest you can make up with love and care” Frida clapped on his shoulder as the baby looked into sleep.

Hank tried to hold his tears inside at her words. They were never close when she worked for Charles nonetheless, right now, with her kind care and her silent acceptance, she was a lighthouse for Hank, a path in the dark.

“You need to take me home boy, I need to fix breakfast or Jakob would kill me.” Hank didn’t even notice it was dawn already “I come again tomorrow morning, I tell Jakob to drive me here before work.” Hank hesitated “I trust you not to do anything stupid, you have problem you call” she looked him straight in the eyes “I don’t trust master Charles anymore”

“Don’t worry” Hank cradled the baby in his arms and put her in the crib Frida managed to find miraculously, white with frilly decoration _“but good for baby”_ as Frida said.

Hank trusted nothing could harm the baby during the time he drove Frida back to her house, she was asleep and Charles was dozing off to the serum Hank hurried to prepare as soon as they’ve got home yesterday. It’s not like Charles would ever harm a baby, even an unwanted one, right?

Frida continued to fold fresh laundry while Hank took the stairs to Charles' room just before they've left the house. “I know you probably don't hear me but I wanted you to know that everything will be alright Charles." Hank pumped one dose after another into Charles "We can raise her, we will clean up so we clean up, together” he laced his fingers with Charles numb hand. “We will make amends for everything we have lost before, we can still help mutants.” he gave Charles; hand one less squeeze and smiled.

-3-

Hank was uneasy and the ride went silently. On the way back while he was stuck in the morning traffic Hank found himself daydreaming about the future, for the first time in quite a while he realized. He had so many of them when he was young, the world was filled with many fascinating things to discover, invent and explore. After Cuba dreamt of a better future for mutants, he started to believe that there could be a better way, a safe place, but as years went those dreams drifted further away from him. Charles might not get it yet, but the baby was a sign, they should start again. Charles will heal, they would get rid of the alcohol, they would take the baby under their wing. Hank could see it in his mind, holding the baby in his arm and Charles in from of them glides into Cerebro again, determined to hold his hand out to the mutants that needed them. Hank parked and went into the house with a new spring in his steps. 

“Finally” Charles hurried to the door with a fake smile, there was a stranger, a woman, looked extremely uncomfortable to even stand in the messy room, gloom pouring from every corner in the house.

“You see Hank was the one who had found the baby and had done an admirable good job taking care of it, for a young bachelor, of course” Charles laughed, his natural charisma flowing as it used to once, only his messy hair and the stench of liquor surrounding them dampened the effect. He turned to Hank and gestured to the guest “Sister Esther arrived immediately as I’ve explained her the situation over the phone. She kindly agreed to take the baby to the Magdalena orphanage where the baby could be raised in the loving embrace of god, splendid”

Hank was too stunned to react and just dumbly watched Charles grab the sister’s hands promising with deep earnest how much gratitude he feels for her and “The Xavier family would never forget this unselfish _Christian_ act”  
Hank still stared at the woman trying to grasp what had happened, they agreed to protect the child, they agreed to take the challenge and get better again, he told Charles! She won’t be safe, not among humans.

The sister looked even more uncomfortable than before but it seems Charles’ choice of words made her endure the act, the graces of a powerful family as the Xavier was appealing enough to silence her.

“If so, this is the child and I will take my leave for I have an appointment I cannot be late for” Charles turned and went upstairs to his room. Without making a sound the sister gathered the few items the baby had and Hank stood there watching her with the baby in his arms. Everything was already packed sister Esther reached for the baby, waiting for him to pass the baby into her arms, he didn’t even notice he had picked her up from the crib. The reality of the situation hit Hank. He found the courage to talk to the nun before she took the child away. 

“I…” Hank looked at the baby, the same way he looked at her when he first held her in his arms, he felt as puzzled as he felt back then, only now he felt a weird surge of emotion he couldn’t explain, not rationally. He didn’t even have time to get to know the baby, then why…

“can I… can I at least name her?” he asked sister Esther.

“how would you like to name her?” 

“Hope” Hank raised his eyes to sister Esther as he passed the baby “please, call her Hope”  


She looked at the child sleeping peacefully, bundled in blankets “Hope?” she cooed at her “Such a pretty name darling, Hope it is then”.

And both of them were gone.

-4-

He mourned the loss the sweet promise of a better future the fantasized of no an hour ago.

Something had to change, no, something had changed inside of Hank. Failing Hope made Hank burn with anger and shame, he couldn’t have hated Charles more in that moment. He was probably asleep, subdued from another dose of the serum. It was all too easy to just lock the door without Charles noticing. He grabbed impulsively a case from the lab and placed in it every bottle of alcohol he could found and when the case was full he drained the bottles’ contents in the sink. This time he won’t budge, he won’t give up, he won’t let Charles to be broken anymore, not as long as mutants needed someone to protect them. 

He was possessed to clear the entire house. The most difficult part was to give up on the serum, rehab meant he has to give up on the serum as well, he would have to return and become something he hated and still hates. Maybe for the first time, Hank started to understand the weight of responsibility Charles and Erik had felt for the rest of them. This time the responsibility was his, to make Charles remember mutants still needed him and for that cause, for Hope he was willing to make the service.  
By the time Charles woke up again he spilled and threw away any ingredient of the serum, including the irreplaceable samples of Raven's pathogens, the prototype which every serum derived from.

“Hank!!” Charles could hardly hide his surprise he knew very well how much Hank disliked his mutant form, the serum effect might not have worn off enough to make Charles aware of the things Hank did, his newly found determination.

Hank walked to his room and knelt before the bed where Charles was sitting “We were wrong Charles, giving up was wrong. It’s going to be a hard journey for both of us.” he took Charles hand between his furry palms “but we will endure and become stronger than ever for the people that need us.”

Charles was in panic “Stop with the nonsense Hank, give me the serum” his voice was trembeling

“There is no more serum Charles. I gave you the last of it” Hank rose to his feet “This was a sign, Hope was a sign Charles, that we need to change. you’ll understand, eventually” he locked the door behind him and sat on the floor waiting. 

First Charles tried to reason with him.

Then he begged

Hank had to believe that he could fix what Erik had broken in body and spirit if just could stand his ground, so he stood still, he didn’t react, even when Charles’ words hit where it pained him the most, he could stand the pain if this was necessary to ensure the future. Losing Hope today is just a small setback soon to be fixed.

He stood there outside the room and waited, like a loyal watchdog protecting his owner.

He endured the screams and the thunder of furniture smashed at the door when Charles could still move, and the pitiful cry. Hank didn’t expect the silence, ominous tell that something horrible might have happened to Charles. Hank opened the door, for the first time in hours, he breathed easier when he saw Charles staring the ceiling with glassy eyes, still alive nonetheless.

“Stop fighting me Hank, you have no idea what is going on” Charles' voice trembled, he didn’t even look at him

“I’ve never wanted to hurt you, Charles, you will understand me soon, just keep your eyes on the goal-”

“WE HAVE NO GOAL!! You fool." his face was red and blotchy "You’re sitting all day in that stupid lab rat running on its wheel wasting energy without a purpose, or am I wrong? Tell me, Hank, tell me all about the things you did for your mutant brothers and sisters.”

“We did wrong Charles, it doesn’t mean we can’t start making amends. We can still make it, we can contact the old gang through Cerebro, you just need to get better, we can’t reach our goal if you’re ill. So we will get better, you and I, yes you will be in a wheelchair and I will be blue and still, we can do so much good”

“You are so pathetic Hank it’s disgusting, Raven was right to leave a sorry excuse for man like you”

Hank froze, a low snarl was vibrating involuntarily “Don’t twist the truth Charles, she left you too, Charles, just as much as she left me, which is exactly why you mope around for years- because they chose each other and not you. But if we’re in the mood to talk about the past anyway, I want to hear everything. Why you never brought back Alex and Sean? Why do you keep pushing everybody away?!”

“Fuck you Hank you know nothing, bozo.”

Hank was having none of that “Admit it Charles! admit you are a pathetic whiny coward! Make your hollow threats one more time and I will leave you too”

Charles leaned on his wrist “The door is right there, Hank.” he pointed his hand to the door

“Can you stop avoiding and tell me the damn truth! God, I am sick of you, Erik was right.” Hank laughed hysterically “I thought, I thought staying here was… I thought I made the right choice, but I was wrong, wasn’t I?” he felt bitter and hurt “Why you fight me, Charles? when we should be fighting for the same cause?”

Charles stayed frozen in his place

Hank walked to Charles and knelt before him looking at him on the same eye level “We were wrong Charles, please, let’s get her back” Hank pleaded “we might be… we are not perfect, we can’t do much but we could save one little girl”

Charles looked at him with hollowed eyes “Save? Oh, Hank. we cannot save anyone, I cannot save anyone. This is the truth. You shut your eyes and block your ears, and scream you want to know it” he laughed “I can’t even protect you. I can still see sometimes how they got to Sean. Should I tell you? How they took him and pumped him with drugs? How they dissected and cut him until his body couldn’t take it and then they cut him some more? And wrote reports? How they just moved to another mutant when they were done? Angel, on the other hand, didn’t suffer as much, they shot her out of panic, all of her ‘surgeries’ were post mortem, _thank god_ for small mercies.” Charles was panting his face blotchy red “I can tell you all about it, Hank.” Charles pulled his hair, scratched his skin like he wanted to peel off every layer of his being until nothing was left. Without thinking Hank reached to hold Charles hand, ready to give what little comfort the broken man in front of his could have but Charles just grabbed him hard “tell me, Hank, what kind of use do I have? With this broken body? If you want to fight for mutants you should join Raven and Erik. I can’t protect anybody.” Charles tore his eyes from Hank and stared outside the window “sooner or later they will catch up to us all and there’s nothing we could do besides sitting here and wait for them to come for us, so what’s the point?”

Hank couldn’t make it to the bathroom before he threw up on the carpet outside Charles’ room. Sean was supposed to be alive he was too young nothing made any sense to Hank, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. There wasn’t a noble fight for their right to live proudly, all this time since Cuba Charles knew his dissertation was wrong and was too darn proud to admit it. Mutants weren’t going to exterminate the homo sapiens, they were an anomaly of the human kind soon to be eliminated, removed like dead cells in the way of the newer cells to develop, Charles believed that. They couldn’t save Hope.

He wanted to march into Charles’ room and punch some sense into him, to let him deal the ferocity of his rage instead of letting it eat him up inside, thousands of times he planned to scream at him that her name is Hope, that she deserved so much more than what they selfishly, cowardly wouldn’t give her. Hank, like he had with Raven once, was stupid enough to see his future with hope by his side, to see her playing on the floor while he wrote a dissertation, he saw them sleeping peacefully in front of TV, he saw her… he saw himself giving her the acceptance and unconditional love that he never had. 

So he chose another path. The next day a box with Charles favorite sins waited on his nightstand. Desperate to take his mind off his agony, he dedicated all his energy to his study about the serum. Two constant weeks of being holed up in his lab resulted in a major breakthrough: a serum, produced without the crotch of Raven’s pathogens. 

It took quite a while to control the turmoil inside of his; to push the fury and self-loathing, compress them into a solid hard core of steel, bent to his will. Hank decided that if mutation was ruled a disease, he will find the cure. He remained in Westchester for the lack of choice above anything else, selling out to Stark or the federal government was all the same to him, and he trusted neither, not after what happened to Sean. This is the only safe place for him, for now.

Those were the days after Hank lost Hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Pheww... That was a long ride. I think it's the darkest fanfic I've written, and hopefully the last, I just don't think I have it in me to write good angst. I wish I could've written about Charles and Hank as a couple because I definitely would want to read it, especially about this particular period between XMFC and DoFP but it didn't match to this story so I gave up on it.  
> What did you think about it?  
> I think my starting point was wondering how Hank saw Charles falling and breaking and he didn't do anything about it, and what if had tried to help Charles and it all blew up in his face because Hank never understood Charles' problems, how clueless he has been, that he shuts himself in for good. Ho ho I was so tempted to 'Kurt' the baby (which would explain how a baby showed up suddenly while Hank was held back by a mystery woman, but I didn't want to canon it too much so I kind of left the baby's mutation abstract.


End file.
